


The Long and Short of It

by alynwa



Category: Boston Legal
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-25
Updated: 2015-12-25
Packaged: 2018-05-09 08:42:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 742
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5532926
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alynwa/pseuds/alynwa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Denny wants information from Alan about dating.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Long and Short of It

“Alan, I want to ask you something.”   
  
“Of course, Denny, what is it you want to know?”  The two friends were having a sleepover in Alan’s hotel. They had ordered in room service and were now sitting in the living room sipping their favorite single malt scotch and smoking cigars as the time inched close to eleven.  The balcony French doors were slightly open to allow some of the fragrant smoke to escape.  
  
“You know I’ve gone out a couple of times with Bethany…”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“Well, we’re going to dinner this Friday and I want to invite her over to my condo afterwards.”  
  
“Okay.”  When Denny remained silent, Alan leaned forward and said, “So what is it you want to know?”  
  
“You lived with a midget for two years, right?”  
  
“She referred to herself as a ‘little person’ and yes, we did live together for two years.”  
  
“How did it…work?”  Alan’s eyebrows shot up in confusion.   The older man huffed in exasperation.  “The _sex,_ ” he whispered, “How did the sex work?”  
  
Alan brought his glass down from his face and looked around.  “Why are you whispering, Denny? There’s no one else here, at least, I hope not.  And Rose and I did have a satisfying relationship, in every way.”  
  
“But, _how_?”  
  
“Denny, I am _not_ going to give you a blow by blow description of my sex life with Rose!”  
  
“Well tell me if you at least got a blow…”  
  
“Denny!”  
  
“Look, I’m just trying to figure out what to do with her!  I know how to pleasure a regular woman because…Denny Crane! But I’ve never had sex with a mi…I mean _little person_ before; what if I can’t, you know, _please_ her?”  
  
“The best way to please her or any woman is to listen to her.  Let her tell you what she likes and doesn’t like. What worked for Rose and me might not work with you and Bethany.  You’re a larger man than I am, so I’m fairly certain that what we did might not apply to you and Bethany.”  
  
“I’m glad to hear you finally admit that my penis is bigger.”  
  
“I was talking about _stature_ , Denny.  Oh, never mind.  You will be fine as long as you listen to her.”  
  
The older man sat quietly puffing on his cigar for a few minutes.  “So,” he said, “if your relationship was so ‘satisfying,’ why did you two break up?”  
  
“Denny, are we really having this conversation?”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“We broke up because she caught me in bed with Ellenor.”  
  
Denny pulled his cigar from his mouth.  “Ellenor _Frutt_?”  
  
“The very same.  Rose was out of town when Ellenor dropped by to discuss a case with me. Actually, it was more like she wanted to vent about how poorly her case was going.  I popped open a bottle of wine or three and the next thing I know she and I are naked going at it in my bedroom when who comes in two days early from her business trip?”  
  
“So, Rose comes home to find you screwing not only a regular height woman, but a _fat_ woman at that.  In her bed!  What did you say?”  
  
“What _could_ I say?  I tried apologizing, telling her I was drunk and that it meant nothing which of course, ticked Ellenor off.  I was really lucky she let bygones be bygones and hired me when I needed a job.”  
  
“Uh huh.  So your advice to me is: Talk to Bethany to find out how to please her in bed and don’t screw fat women and let her hear about it. Got it.”  
  
Alan chuckled as he sipped his drink.  “You do have a way of boiling things down to their essentials.”  
  
Denny raised his glass in agreement and then drained what remained in there.  He put the glass on the room service tray and got into the other bed in Alan’s suite. “All this talk about sex has me set to ‘simmer.’  I’m not having sex with you, Alan, so I’m sleeping here tonight.”  
  
“Suit yourself.”  Alan tucked himself in and turned out the light. “Sleep well, Denny.”  He smiled in the dark at the grunt that emanated from the other bed that let him know he had been heard.  He was almost asleep when Denny called to him.  “What now?”  
  
“Tell me what it was like to sleep with Ellenor.”  
  
“That is a story for another time, my friend.”


End file.
